I had been having this horrible, and very realistic dream...nightmare....that I had an evil entity in my house that was literally driving me crazy. At first, it was just annoyingly scary. But then this entity was trying to make me hurt my kids. And in my dream-state, I felt myself losing my mind and it was SCARY, and it would tell me to hurt my children and I would walk toward them and they would cry and I would come to my senses and beg someone - anyone - to take them and take care of them and protect them from ME.
And no one would.
No one would take my kids, no matter how hard I begged, and pleaded and cried because I was their mother, and I needed to suck it up and deal. Everyone was sure I could handle whatever I was going through if I just tried a little harder. But I could feel myself losing it and I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop myself from hurting them if someone didn't take them soon.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, I started really crying and sobbing. And I woke my husband up out of a dead sleep (which is no small feat). And I drenched him and the pillows in tears and told him all about my nightmare. Which was probably a horrible mistake because he spent the rest of the day blaming himself for my nightmare.
He thinks that my nightmare was a subconscious manifestation of the added stress that his new job and long hours have put on me. Personally, I think it was a bad mix of too many news articles about two mom's that have recently killed their children, the book I'm currently reading that deals with Celtic mythology-specifically an evil, mind-twisting elf/fairy/forest creature of some sort, and the bowl of Shepherd's Pie that didn't sit well after dinner.
And now, instead of just dealing with the migraine that always comes after a sobbing fit, I'm also trying to assuage his guilt over something he has no control over and keep him from adding to the stress that his new job has given him.
And then to top it off, I ran over a nail and my back tire was flat when I started to leave from picking my boys up from school...stranding me and my kids, in my PJs with no shoes (because I'm that mom) in the parking lot.
But this bad luck brought on the one good aspect of my day.
My husband's asshole boss let him leave work early to come get me and the boys and he got to take them to a school dance that they have been desperately wanting to go to for two weeks, and we all got to eat dinner together. And he's taking a nap right now, so there's a very decent chance that I might get laid tonight. Yay for weekend booty calls.
|Just because I love this and I can't think of one single place it will ever truly fit....and this post needed some levity....and if you read this like Robert Di Niro and Joe Pesci are saying it, it kinda hilarious.|